You are not logged in.
A bit of festive fun for those of you who can’t decide which makes you more sick: the Turkey leftovers, or most of our performances this season. LTGN brings you Bobbyisms: the great man’s utterances and what they really mean!
1) ‘This is football’
‘Ladies and gentlemen, feel my pain. The pain of being the manager of a team with a bottomless pit of money, a patient owner with a long-term vision, and undyingly loyal fans – who nevertheless manage to lose 0-1 to Accrington Stanley reserves on a wet Wednesday in West Lancashire. Surely you don’t blame ME for this debacle???’
2) ‘For this / Only this / Only for this / For this reason’
‘I can’t actually give you a reason why we were so shit. But if I could, there would only be one. And it would probably be that I don’t know what I’m doing. But I didn’t say that.’
3) ‘When you have a chance, you must score’
‘F**ckinell Silva, stop pratting about and have an effin’ shot. You have turned everyone in the team into self-indulgent ponces who want to have their photos taken as they eyebrow in a three-thousand pass move. Just F**KING SHOOT!!!!’
4) ‘We have four striker’
‘But they are all rubbish. Zaba stands a better chance of banging one in. Bring me Neymar.’
5) ‘A difficult match / Difficult opponent/ It will be difficult / We will try but it is difficult’
‘Every game we ever play, because me and my fellow clowns have no idea of how to make these fantastic world beaters into an actual TEAM. Like managers of generations before us. Cityitis here we come!’
6) ‘Noooo… / But…’
‘Yes, you’re right. We were / are / will be shit today. I’m just going to get my excuses in first.’
7) ‘This is normal / It is normal’
‘It’s not bloody normal at all. I go to bed every night in sheer desperation. My doctor has put me on Diazepam and I STILL can’t relax. I only have to THINK about how these overpaid losers faff about and it makes my blood boil. Let alone watch this rubbish. But I will give you a politically correct answer.’
8) ‘Make some mistake’
‘We had a complete mare. Every player’s performance would not have got them into a Sunday League 11 on Hough End. I have no clue how to rectify this utter bo**ocks.’
9) ‘Joe Hart should stay in goal and make saves’
‘I have no idea how we should play in the Champion’s League, or anywhere else for that matter. It is all getting a bit much for me now and I have decided it’s all the players’ fault. I don’t care if this guy single-handedly kept us in the CL as long as we managed to.'
10) ‘It is finished’
‘I’ve heard that Monaco is nice this time of year.’