Lucky To Get Nil is Joe Royle's 'Cityitis' personified. He saw Frannie Lee win the League at Newcastle and Dennis Tueart's overhead kick at Wembley. And that. Was. It. Then for thirty-odd years he suffered.
He stood on the piss-stained terraces of the Kippax. He went to Lincoln away. He watched us scrape through against Gillingham. He experienced the horror that was Laurent Charvet. He saw Stuart Pearce's little horse. And worst of all he suffered Robinho.
So now, basically, he has had enough. He represents the 'never win at home and never win away' mentality that (dare deny it!) is deep in the DNA of every City fan. Don't take him literally - DO take him very seriously. Read on...
Yes, dear readers, it's been a while since LTGN went Through The Keyhole stylee behind the scenes of the movers, shakers, powerbrokers, fakers and chokers that make up our beloved City. So imagine when - quite out of the blue - we got a call from the Prestbury area....
For it was he - none other than our beloved Mr Blake Carrington - on the blower.
About a month ago, LTGN ventured to suggest that the wheels were beginning to come off the Pellegrini Lamborghini. A distinctly underwhelming intervening period has passed and no-one can tell me that the club is not now in a crisis.
Let's face it we are out of the League and the CL. It's gone. But what this column would like to do now is revise some of the reasons we gave for the current malaise - and suggest some more which might hint that unless changes are made it will turn from a malaise into a full-blown slump.
Chief of which is the increasing resemblance of our Beloved Leader to a certain Mr Arsene Wenger.... read on.
Hot on the heels of Wednesday's disappointing-but-inevitable defeat to Baron Munchausen, it would be remiss of LTGN not to weigh in with some quality doom-mongering. Read on...
By Sunday we could have a form guide that reads one point from 12 games. I can't even remember the last time that happened, but Alan Ball was probably in charge. This, City fans, is a Lamborghini whose wheels have quite literally come off. It is time for Blake Carrington to get the auto-recovery men in. This is why:
Here at LTGN, we believe in calling a spade a spade.
Not afraid to say that this day - Saturday 30th August 2014 - was the day we surrendered the title and proved that actually nothing has changed since the Mancini era.
What do I mean?
The new season is upon us and LTGN has returned to his classic reporting style of yesteryear. Here is a report of the game before it has even happened. Will it come true? Enjoy!
All eyes were on the Fat Londoner's Sports Shop Stadium as the mighty blues prepared to take on the Toon in the first game of an exciting - or predictable - new season.
The Magpies were so keen to welcome their latest French contingent (having already signed up to appear in the next World Cup actually as France) that they had bedecked the stadium in a manner befitting their players' home country. The entire pitch surface had been covered in a giant red gingham tablecloth and each corner flag was adorned by a strategically-placed string of onions. Two rusty bicycles had been provided for the linesmen and in each goal a small wine cellar had been set up. A massed band of accordions stood centre circle to pipe on the teams as they emerged to the tune of erstwhile Geordie classic Local Hero. Wearing a rather fetching leather mini and suspenders, 'Alain Pardu' shook hands with his bemused counterpart, the ever-suave Blake Carrington.